Forever On Hold
Once again- nothing will radicalize you like the American healthcare system
I feel like I spent this entire week on the phone (re: on hold on the phone!) with my new health insurance. Or on the phone with my various doctors, pharmacies, and clinics trying to get everything switched over to my new health insurance. Or sending increasingly panicked emails and portal messages to the doctors’ offices.
Everyone I talked to gave me different answers. No one knew how much I would need to pay specifically for different things. The different insurance reps I spoke to read me their legal disclaimer about any price quotes being non-binding estimates so many times I feel like I memorized it myself.
Since I started my new meds (YAY!), we are officially on a strict timeline to get this all worked out so I can get my next dose (YIKES!) but no one with the power to influence that medication delivery seems to be operating with the same urgency that I am.
The authorization process for all of my specialty meds has to start all over, an extremely tedious process. I spoke to one rep who asked me, “You’ve only had this insurance for three days, why do you already have six medication rejections?” YOU TELL ME, BABE!
I don’t know why but these kinds of tasks always deplete my energy. There is something so demoralizing about having to spend time fighting to get the benefits you already pay for and then to be asked to pay more on top of that. And to know that you will just have to keep doing it again and again. The mental stamina needed intimidates me and sends me right to the couch for another comfort show binge watch.
I have been breaking this all down into manageable chunks and attempting to count each call as an achievement for me, even if nothing was actually accomplished. I want to focus just on what I can control but that is not something I am particularly good at. But I keep trying and keep calling…what else is there to do?
This newsletter was written while on hold…
This Week’s Recommendations
Tom Scocca is an incredible writer and this accounting of his search to get answers about his medical mystery amid all of life’s other necessities (job searching, money for food, parenting, etc.) is gutting and necessary. - “This is what disability advocates have said all along, not that it usually sinks in: The able and the disabled aren’t two different kinds of people but the same people at different times.”
I am very late to the game (even though people and writers like R. Eric Thomas have been recommending her forever!) but I am fully in my Ann Patchett obsession era! I read the incredibly layered and beautiful Commonwealth just before the holidays and just finished her essay collection These Precious Days. Her writing is absolutely gorgeous and even if you can’t relate at all to the topic, somehow she draws you in. JOIN ME in my newfound Ann Patchett love. I’m working my way through her backlist this year.
Under the Whispering Door by TJ Klune - This took me a little bit to get into but once I did, I was so emotionally invested that I sobbed through the entire ending! This is a real “just trust me” book recommendation because I don’t know how to accurately describe it, but it is a beautiful book tackling humanity, grief, and what we owe ourselves and each other. Thank you Theresa for recommending and sending it to me!
Finding Liberation Through Literary Depictions of Harm - I often find myself turning away from really graphic descriptions of harm in the books I read, but I really appreciated this different perspective on how it can actually be healing or empowering for survivors.
Welcome to The O.C.: The Oral History by Alan Sepinwall - I read this at the end of last year but realized I hadn’t had a chance to recommend it in my newsletter! The O.C. was such an impactful show for me growing up and this oral history is absolute perfection. It includes all of the key voices. It was so fun to relive this series, remember the formative soundtrack, and to get to learn the why behind the show’s wildest decisions. I WILL be rewatching this year.
The Argylle movie trailer looks really fun to me, but I’m equally as obsessed with the mystery of Elly Conway, the supposed author of the book it is based on. Personally, I think it is all just smart marketing and the books are just part of the film rollout, but I would love to be proven wrong!
The casual ableism of the #PodSaveJon debacle and the conversations online that have stemmed from it have consumed my scrolling time this week.
Inside The New York Times’ Big Bet on Games - As someone who still plays Wordle most mornings, I really enjoyed this deep dive!
I think Margot Robbie is just amazing and I’m such a fan of everything her production company is putting out.